Food & Drink

The Needling’s 2019 Year in Review: In Memoriam

How do I say goodbye, to what we had?

By The Needling December 16, 2019

3_Memorium_city

This article originally appeared in the December 2019 issue of Seattle magazine.

[addtoany]

This article appears in print in the December 2019 issue and is part of our of the Year in Review feature. Click here to subscribe.

WARNING: What you are about to read is not true, accurate or representative of Seattle magazine’s professional opinion, but it sure is funny.

Your view
While Seattle continued its three-year reign as the nation’s construction crane capital, your view of Puget Sound and the Olympics finally met its inevitable demise at the hands of a new 50-story tower. It’s sad, but they say every time God closes a snowcapped view of The Brothers, he replaces it with a view of two overworked, on-call Amazon software engineers ordering from Postmates for dinner.

Heart of Belltown
Long expected after a developer purchased a string of Second Avenue real estate properties on Belltown’s most popular strip, the heart of Belltown—Shorty’s, Mama’s Mexican Kitchen and Tula’s Restaurant and Jazz Club—was finally snatched out of the lively neighborhood. It was promptly incinerated in a lava chamber assumed to be located somewhere underneath a new 40-story condo tower.

Jay Inslee’s presidential campaign
Governor Jay Inslee’s run to be commander-in-chief included five shining months of elevating climate change policy discussions to a national level. His candidacy is survived by supporters currently drowning their sorrows in hiking-trail work parties until notified that Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Massachusetts) has exiled the entire Trump administration to a Siberian wind farm.

Seattle Weekly
When news hit that the nearly 43-year-old free weekly newspaper would cease print publication in March, scores of shocked Seattle residents expressed surprise that it was still alive or ever existed. In its memory, a group of millennial conspiracy theorists subsequently launched an investigation into the existence of another print paper that ancient local residents call “The Stranger.”

Hideous eyesore no one liked
Thousands attended sentimental farewell events for the Alaskan Way Viaduct—a seismically unsound, view-obstructing roadway that the city spent more than $2 billion to destroy and replace with an underground toll tunnel. The most popular: A post-demolition “Ding-dong the Waterfront Witch Is Dead” 5K, which included the presentation of a certificate of death from a small, high-pitched man wearing a very strange hat.

Follow Us

In Seattle, Renting is King

In Seattle, Renting is King

The annual savings between renting and buying is significant

With rising rates, Seattle may not exactly be a renter’s paradise. But for those on a budget, renting certainly beats buying...

Editor's Note: Green Serenity

Editor’s Note: Green Serenity

It’s been 10 years since Washington residents could legally buy marijuana

I was intrigued when an email blaring the provocative subject line “Weed Man Targets Seattle for Franchise Expansion” popped into my inbox. Imagine my disappointment when the pitch was for a lawn-care company, not a pot shop. I’m sure that’s not the reaction the PR team was anticipating...

Tales of a Cabbie

Tales of a Cabbie

Writer explores the underbelly of an industry

With the rise of ridesharing companies such as Uber and Lyft, it’s never been easier to have a side hustle...

Senior Center Celebrates LGBTQIA+ Community 

Senior Center Celebrates LGBTQIA+ Community 

GenPride gives LGBTQIA+ seniors programming that addresses their pressing needs and wants

At GenPride, being seen is just the beginning...